Raising Emotionally Intelligent Kids
What is your first reaction when something doesn't go your way? How do you help your kids handle the emotions of disappointment? The management tools that most of us were raised with, the emotional quotient (or EQ), was not part of our emotional literacy. For many Millenials and before the emphasis was much more on the IQ (Intelligence Quotient), which leads to our inability to fully manage our emotions when something does not go our way. However, with recent generations, things have changed. Today, there is a consistent focus on learning emotional development and properly processing the world around us.
In today’s world, parents are encouraged to let children feel “all the feels” and process the ups and downs of life, in a way that helps children develop their own EQ, but this is not how many previous generations were raised. Lael Stone wrote for Ted.com about this very topic. Her article, “How to Raise Emotionally Intelligent Kids”, makes the point that many of us did not have those environments or experiences and it has led to a “steady increase of psychological distress among adults”. This distress has led to three ways many adults manage their emotions: repression, aggression, and expression. Stone continues to state that these three methods are not how she wanted to raise her children, and instead instill a stronger EQ by leading with example.
Simple questions like, “Tell me about what is going on?”, or being quiet while kids are processing, is an instant way to help develop EQ and expand our emotional literacy as well as theirs. Stone continues to say that empathy, understanding, and holding space away for them to grow can make a difference in how their process their own feelings. She explains that “what we need as humans is a safe place to unpack all of who we are.” This space allows children to emote truly, whether it be by complaining, with anger, or tearful sadness and leads to a greater understanding of our EQ.
Stone concludes her article with, “Research shows that when children feel safe to learn — which means they feel free of judgment and criticism, they’re treated with kindness and respect, they have autonomy over their bodies and their learning, and they are given much love and celebrated for their unique differences — their neurological systems become fully operational and their capacity for growth and learning increases.” This resonates loudly with the Cedarwood ideology in encouraging our students to seek out interactions and relationships that leave them feeling successful in their emotional well-being.
At Cedarwood, our mission statement starts with: cultivates social and emotional intelligence (SEI) and academic excellence, creating a strong foundation for the whole child. This parallels Stone’s article on EQ and the importance of emphasizing SEI. Every interaction, lesson, and event we have at Cedarwood is looked at holistically around the EQ/SEI of the whole community. Our faculty whether it’s in Early Childhood, Grades, or Middle School, work to ensure that students feel empowered and respected. We do not believe in burying feelings or avoiding interactions but in learning to embrace them and process them in healthy and gentle ways. We believe in a community approach to the classroom and encourage children to hear different perspectives and lead with empathy and understanding even in the most challenging of circumstances. This emphasis on social and emotional learning makes our children and our community more welcoming, inclusive, and caring.
To learn more about Cedarwood Waldorf School, please come visit us for a tour or request more information. Visit the site to learn more about How to Raise Emotionally Intelligent Kids.
Written by Lauren Krall